On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
