Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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