Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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