he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
