Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
