My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
