I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
