I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
