we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
