I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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