The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
