apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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