I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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