if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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