Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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