I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
