I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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