I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
