Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
