I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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