All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My ass is underappreciated
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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