I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
