am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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