hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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