Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
