I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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