your thong is hanging out like whoa
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
