i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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