i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
