The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
