Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
