when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
