I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
as a side note pls kill me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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