did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
