ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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