You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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