I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
