Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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