I like to think it a success when the cops are called
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
