she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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