someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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