his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So much rum. So many feels.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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