you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
