Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
