pop tarts are not kleenex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
