just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
