Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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