I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
