We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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