I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
