there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
