You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
