Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
