when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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