OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
