Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
